Well, ok. I'm not officially an ex-wife yet. But I'm definitely bitter. My husband--we'll call him S, just like in 18th century French novels--moved into an apartment. at the beginning of the month. Our three year old daughter, M, is very excited that she has "two cool houses" now. She doesn't quite get it. We're trying to be amicable, and trying to make the big D easier on the munchkin. Yay us. See? Bitter.
Maybe I should just explain why I'm bitter. Then I can go to sleep and have vitriolic dreams (under my new bedspread--the old bedspread was the first casualty of separation. No way am I sleeping on the same linens we shared for many years. They don't make laundry detergent strong enough to wipe out the grime of betrayal. Oh goodie. Now I'm bitter and melodramatic.)
So. Bitter.
Reason # 1: I moved hundreds of miles away from my friends and family so my husband could take a job as a tenure-track faculty member. Good move if you're a family. Bad move if you've been tossed like a used tissue.
Reason # 2: We were together 13 years, married almost 11. He broke the news to me Feb. 9 (16 days after my 36th birthday, five days before Valentine's day, 8 days before what would've been the 13th anniversary of the night we met. But who's counting?)
Reason # 3: I had to hand-make 19 valentines for my daughter's pre-school class, even though I hate the damn holiday.
Reason # 4: I have no income!!!!!!!
Reason # 5: I still have no income!!!! I'm a writer, and I've been staying home with the kiddo. I taught as an adjunct one year at the aforementioned university, and then took time off to finally begin my writing career (at the stunning and oh-so-fair-rate of 10 hours a week of writing time while continuing to further my husband's career by continuing my roles as mother, wife, and housekeeper (albeit a bad housekeeper.)
Reason # 6: I will be going back to said university and groveling for a position again.
Reason # 7: Even if I teach full time, which is not likely since then they'd have to give me benefits, I would still make only 2/3 of what my husband makes, while teaching twice as many classes.
Reason # 8: If I teach 5 classes over the course of an academic year, I'll make around $15,000.
And I could go on (believe me, I will, at a later date.) But for now, I just feel the need to put this out there. Separation is not a pretty thing. Hell, no breakup is ever pretty. With kids it gets uglier. They were born with the expectation of a mom and a dad who would raise them together. The kid never chooses this. She just gets caught up in the crazy trip her parents are on. So I thought I'd like to document the journey. I've been reading a lot of self-help books on divorce and separation, which are useful. What I haven't found is a book about a real person going through that (I know they're out there, but dammit! I'm too busy trying to find a job to search for them!) So I'm going to give it a a go. I promise I'll be honest. I promise I'll say what I feel. I promise to be bitter and write engaging revenge scenarios. Even if no one else reads them.
But first, I should get some sleep.
